# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this boner is exhausting
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
