Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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