Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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