I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
