Sponge bath it is.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
