Sry I called you an 8
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
