I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just high enough for therapy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
