Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
