Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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