I wanna passion pit in your ass
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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