remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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