i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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