im drinking this country out of the recession.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
