someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
