I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize