So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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