dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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