My hair reeks of homosexuality.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
