Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
