I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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