Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
birth control should be required to get into college
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
