If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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