For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
