please come you make the beer taste better
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
