Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
