Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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