so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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