You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
