Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
is that a dick in a sweater?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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