Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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