Your face is a jimmy john
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.