they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something