I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
