Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel