Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.