i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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