he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
