When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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