It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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