oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just cropdusted the office
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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