if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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