we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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