all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
