I wish I could punch you in the face.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
