haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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