i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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