3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
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You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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