seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
