i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
