The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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