Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is wine microwaveable?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
