his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
