i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
