i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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