how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
