Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
