I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to have your abortion
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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