im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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