in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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