Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
