Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
