just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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