after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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