I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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