3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
