Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
