ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
