the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize