its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
