I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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