I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
