they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
