i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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