I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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