with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My bed smells like the plague
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
