Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize