I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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