I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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