that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dicks are not precious.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
