Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
