You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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