she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
